I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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