You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
