we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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