Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
