So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
