I should be sponsored by Trojan
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
