Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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