I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
