Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
