they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize