you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
