Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
