You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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