can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize