Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
