There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
