i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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