I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
