We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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