Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
