i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
