Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
