he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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