if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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