We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
