why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
