i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My bed smells like the plague
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