did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
