my sisters under your porch take her home
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
