So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
