every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
