so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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