Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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