Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
