I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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