we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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