A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I stole a fireplace last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
