And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
don't judge my taste in strippers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
