i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
