i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize