Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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