You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
