Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
