birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize