yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
