is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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