Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
