I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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