I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize