Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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