Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
