last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
