I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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