So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
