I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
