we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
COCAINE IS GR8
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
