It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
