We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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