We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I love you.
Bad choice
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
