Soap is not a condiment
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
