i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
