he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
