I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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