I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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