sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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